A Time of Seemingly Endless Crossroads

I'm going to be a bit thoughtful for this post. Thus for those who've got a short attention span, I don't know if they'll make it to the end.

I've been rather vocal on several social sites, article comments and about any place that I get the itch to sound off. It's been happening with alarming regularity the last few months.

Now some would say that's good, that I've been letting my voice be heard and staying aware of current events.

Others would say I've too much time on my hands and should do something else. Then again there are still others who couldn't care one way or another what I do or say, but then they're that way with everything and everyone, so it's nothing new for them. It's just their frame of mind.

But there's something brewing, you can almost feel it in the air.

There's this feeling of something growing too big, that it's going to over boil soon if the tensions don't settle down. And yet there's no end to the shouts being heard in the media.

One group cries out "Revolution!" and another group yells "Don't Tread on Me!". Mostly cause they are just mad at everyone and everything but they don't know who to aim at. So they just scream at everyone. The tensions, the anger and the pure negative energies seem to know no restrictions or limits.

We continually see the media, like a flock of vultures, descend upon events of mind numbing, heart breaking displays of this vitriol 24/7.

This constant bombardment of fear, pain, suffering and insanity is slowly creating a storm that is taking on a life of it's own.

Those that are profiting off the results of this whole nightmare make me ill. It's crazy to put profits over people, but that's how big business plays the game today.

Unfortunately for many, we've become so desensitized by all this mess, that it's hard to even bother chastising the "I don't care" crowd...because we're so tired of it all. It never seems to end, it's depressing and disheartening.

I have to ask an important question:

What side are the media outlets choosing to cover and why?

Why is it that they cover all the hot button issues filled with violence, hatred and negativity? They cover the murders, horrible accidents and tragic happenings globally.

Yet, the Clinton Foundation Benefit, any number of positive, uplifting, helping organizations that are trying to make a difference - nothing much is reported.

Our mainstream media headlines look like those posted in the Tabloids in the 1980's! The current daily news stories would have been seen as ludicrous and outrageous back then. No politician would even dare to make some of the outlandish claims that are made today. They'd be out of a job and totally discredited.

Yet today, there are few that comment or seem shocked by the bizarre events that are happening everywhere.

But lately, I'm feeling a tremor starting to grow. It's in the comments, in the social networks and even in the small news outlets. There is a breaking point to everything. The govt. of old knew and understood this well. They'd seen many a country's citizens voice their outrage in large numbers. So they built in programs, the same ones that are being attacked as socialism. These safety nets would help to avoid the chaos and outcry that they understood could happen.

But those safety nets are in danger of disappearing, the entire country has seen their voice silenced time and time again. Too much corruption has been allowed to thrive in almost all branches of the govt. The campaign to divide, disillusion, manipulate and dumb down the population has had some success. But now the voice and heart of those that resisted this propaganda is not beginning to be heard. So much rhetoric was bound to eventually demand an equally loud response.

It's coming, we will hopefully hear about it when it arrives. This country, this world is headed for a moment that is not in the too distant future. It's going to be a very crucial moment as it will be the Crossroads of Everything.

The point in time where our destiny will be decided. It's going to be the last choice - cause if we make the wrong one, it's going to be countdown to the end of the game. We lose.

If we chose the right path, we get a 2nd chance at evolving as a species and maybe hanging around a bit longer.

Over the last 20-30 years, especially in the last decade, we've piled up a lot of "what if's" and have debated over a bunch of topics that most of us thought were done being debated. We've had a lot of "white noise" about important topics. Women's rights, social welfare, unions, civil rights, big business vs people on the status of citizenship and health care. A lot of people get confused by all the noise, it becomes too confusing to figure out for many.

We've lost the town hall and square where we could voice our opinions and complaints with out governing body and our community could discuss things in a peaceful manner. We've become global, which has made us both bigger and yet smaller. Talk about confusing...

What is coming is going to be massive, it will effect us not only individually, but as a people - the human race.

It's not only about where our world is going globally or which direction our countries are going. Because from what I've seen on the news, not many people are happy about where and what their countries are doing. That includes the U.S. Something is going to snap eventually, it has too if the pressure becomes too much to bear.

The good and bad part is that there's an unlimited number of ways that this can go. It will, I think, come down to the shear number of people that stand up to change the path we're on now. If we keep going like we are there's no telling what the consequences will be. But they certainly don't look good when run on a computer program to simulate results of actions. This planet has had a delicate balance a synchronized dance that has had some rather serious missteps in it's course. But it's always recovered that balance before. Life relies on those very sensitive scales to remain balanced.

Trouble is that sometimes not every species survived the planets reset phase. I'm not just talking about climate changes, wars and greed. I'm talking about a whole mindset change, something that may have to happen if we're going to survive in the future. Can we do it? We've shown that we can, that we are able to in the past. But today?

I don't know for sure. At one time I'd have said of course, without a doubt or pause. But not anymore. Not with all the negativity, the division and the mindless nonsense that has taken over center stage. I worry about what's coming, if we'll be able to survive it and what will happen after if we do...

I wish I could say that I'm hopeful...I was hopeful and proud after a long time of being afraid and tense...but now, I don't know. I want to say it will be alright. I want to believe it. But more and more I see that video in my head and wonder if that is what it's going to take to wake the world up. I really hope not.

Here's wishing all to be safe. May you find strength and love in your life during this difficult time.

History is Happening Today

"This is not a budget. This is a cause."

This is how Paul Ryan, Tea Party-backed GOP budget plan author describes their proposal.

Tuesday, House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (WI-01) announced the Republican’s budget proposal. It is unbelievably bad - literally. The GOP budget not only repeals the new health care law, it also eliminates Medicare and Medicaid as we know it.

The Republican’s proposal gives millionaires huge tax breaks, but seniors and hard-working families pay more for health care and get less coverage. Paul Ryan’s plan would radically undermine the economic security of America’s middle class. Yet it helps Wall Street-run health insurance companies make record-breaking profits! While the CEOs are paid outrageous sums to deny people the care they paid for and need.

As part of this radical ideological crusade, seniors will be force to clip coupons if they want to see a doctor. It includes huge tax breaks for the ultra wealthy and giveaways to Big Oil companies that are making record profits.

Nowhere in the Republican plan is there any shared sacrifice. There’s no fairness. The big corporations and super-rich are not asked to pitch in. Instead they get even richer while most families are struggling just to make it month to month. This budget would eviscerated programs that everyone in this country depend on. Republicans are attacking the people while pretending to be fiscally responsible!

This budget changes the rules and reshapes this country in a dangerous way. The Republicans and Tea Party backers think they can use the budget as cover to pursue their radical agenda to end Medicare and put seniors’ health care in the hands of Big Insurance CEOs.

But they aren't done with their outrageous demands. They want to do even more to hurt the people!
In this case women specificly - Thursday, April 7, thousands of Americans will descend on Washington, DC, to defend women's health from the extremists in Congress that are determined to roll back access to reproductive health care.

This assault is unprecedented and covers multiple areas. Several amendments have been added to what was already voted on weeks ago in an attempt to push these changes through the Senate. An ammendment that would eliminate funding for Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood offers cancer screenings to protect women's health. They offer education, contraceptives and seek to prevent unplanned, unwanted pregnancies. They help those that have been victims or are in hard situations by getting them professional help. Cutting these programs will put more women at risk.

But not one has mentioned how much it costs to raise a child that is placed into the system. No one talks about the many children that wait sometimes without hope for a family to adopt them. Why defund a program that keeps many unplanned pregnancies from happening?

They want to pass legislation that would impose an abortion tax on small businesses who want to provide abortion coverage in health plans. They have bills that would prevent elected officials from using local funds to pay for abortion care for low income and at risk women. This attack on women's rights must stop! Across the nation, people will be standing up for women's health.

Hidden in the budget is more cuts on funding to the Enviromental Protection Agency. This is our one defense against more BP disasters. It's the agency that protects the people by enforcing safety regulations. Protects the environment, the people and our ecology from the "profits before people" greed of these big Corporations. In Pensylvania the water resources are being contaminated due to the coal companies fracking to get at gas reserves. This is causing water to become flamable and not fit to drink. This practice needs to stop!

Already the big Oil Corps are pushing to drill for oil again. Why? With the technology we have right now - technology we've had since 2006 - we could have been using hydrogen for power. We've had the technology to use solar power, wind power and water power! Yet the greed and profit of "black gold" pushes the Corporations - Deep Water drilling has already been given the green light. The guy in charge of the energy commission in D.C. is an Oil Company shareholder. We need the EPA has the funds to function!

Congress MUST hear our voices and know that enough is enough!

Democrats have already ruled out defunding the year-old health care overhaul or to deny Planned Parenthood all federal money. And Reid has said he will not agree to any of the curbs Republicans want to place on the Environmental Protection Agency. Democrats will not just roll over without a fight.

In D.C. this week, hundreds of Tea Party demonstrators rallied outside the Capitol calling for budget cuts and to shutdown if necessary to get their way.

"Shut the sucker down," one yelled, and the crowd repeatedly chanted, "Shut it down."

Is this the America we want to live in? We need to stand up to the bullies on the Hill and take back our rights and our freedoms!

Check out these links:

1. http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2011/04/ryan_budget_preview.html

2. http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-04-06/ryan-s-budget-proposal-would-aid-insurers-a-top-source-of-campaign-cash.html

3. http://www.healthcare.gov/law/provisions/billofright/patient_bill_of_rights.html

4. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ethan-rome/republican-budget-plan-de_b_845256.html

5. https://dccc.org/page/contribute/shutdown3?source=040611_si,alld,med

6. https://secure.aclu.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=3056&s_subsrc=110406_rally&JServSessionIdr004=rudkaoryj1.app217a

7. http://www.greenpeace.org.uk/files/efficiencity/index.html

8. http://video.pbs.org/program/1305364341/
(especially this one: Hydrogen Hopes) http://video.pbs.org/video/1335040144 

Be a part of history - get involved and make sure the changes that are happening are the ones that you want.

Carpe Diem!

Can't find work? Then Hire yourself!

Everyone has something that they can offer someone else. From helping someone learn to read, to teaching someone how to do something. (like play piano, make a cake or how to knit) We all have life experience that we've got stored up inside. We all have hobbies, interests and things we're passionate or energized about. All of that that is inside can be put to work to bring in not only money, but it can make you feel really good about what your doing too.

But how do you get what you know, out of you and available to someone else? That takes some thinking and planning. But then looking for work takes some time and work too. The difference here is that you're doing it to make income for yourself not someone else.

Maybe you're good at teaching things, then you could find a way to share this with people that want to learn the skills you have to offer.

Not a people person, that's okay too. You can still teach things without ever even seeing a student. With so many easy to use programs and a digital camera you can make a video of yourself or someone doing step by step what you are teaching. Writing a how to book is also a great way to teach as you can have images to show how to do things. If you combine the two and make an ebook - you can offer it online and make it interactive with video and links to more resources.

Now besides teaching what you know, there are other things that are wide open. Services and information are the most profitable thing right now. So many people need information of a ton of topics to help them with their problems or situations. We are a society that is addicted to information. Services are also a great revenue creator. Think of all the services you've used over the years. Services that others use around you and then think if you can provide any services that people are needing.

Like Bigwell's motto "Find a need - Fill a need"

But don't jump ahead of yourself, I also try to remember what my uncle told me when I was younger. He gave two bits of advice that I try to keep in mind.

"KISS - Keep it safe and simple" and "Work smarter, not harder"

Often we make things a lot more complicated than they need to be. We also don't think about sticking to the areas that are safe - both money wise, legal wise & health wise. Another thing that many have to relearn is that working yourself into the ground isn't going to pay off in a big way like it did a century ago. Besides, it didn't rally pay off all that big back then either. Putting the biggest muscle to work - your mind is a step in the right direction.

People say we can think, it's what makes us both good and bad. We don't run solely on instincts - but not listening to that "little voice" can sometimes cost you everything. So try to find a balance between what you "feel is right" and if your head agrees with it. There is no reason to reinvent something that's already been invented - unless you can make it better. Try to think in ways that are not only out of the box, but from completely different perspectives. Brainstorming can be a lot of fun and offer a pay off in more than just cash.

If you've spend month trying to find work...don't you think you can spend some time evaluating what you could be offering or sharing in a business of your own...Plus you don't have to fly solo - maybe you've got one half and someone else has one half of a great idea. Bring the two together and you've got something really great!

The number one thing that you can do for yourself is to educate that brain of yours. Searching for a job won't expand your opportunities or broaden the possibilities ahead. But learning, that can open a huge range of nearly unlimited options that you can go after. Even if you decide to find work or a job rather than start your own business - new knowledge will make you more likely to find something that will be a great match as well as more rewarding.

Wherever you do don't create limits that you don't need. You should already know what your abilities are, what your strengths are and what you are good at. There's no need to stuff yourself into a small box when there are enough things trying to block you or put you down. Don't limit yourself more - don't deny yourself the chance to really find something you love to do...something that will give you more than just a paycheck or income.

Plus there is something that many don't realize. An online business at home is a way to level the playing field. You can be from any background, culture, age, or ability. You can be a parent, senior or even a group of teens. What your clients or customers see is a business. If you are professional, offer good services or products & have a positive attitude. Those that find you the first time will come back again if they are satisfied. To them, it's the business - not the business owner that's important. So don't thnk you're too old, young or whatever. This is an open door...walk in & see where it goes.

The best way to work is to find something we love to do and get paid doing it. Then it's no longer work - it just becomes a part of having a better life. Part of something you really enjoy. What could be better than that? Good luck!

Keep dreaming, keep moving forward and never lose hope...

Carpe Diem!

Another birthday gone

This last Sat. was my birthday...just another day as things went. But I was a bit depressed by it's arrival and subsequent departure. It seems that the day just keeps counting the years till the end of my given time. The closer I get to the proverbial "hill" the more I dread the ticking of the yearly clock that pushes me ever closer.

I've looked behind me, at the descent of my health, the damage of stress and the deterioration of my physical abilities. Even my memory and sharpness mentally have been effected over the last few years.

I fight the inevitable, but I'm not some celebrity with truckloads of cash to go to some fancy "body shop" spa and get the wrinkles ironed out, the flab tucked or the assets lifted. The years of struggle, to carve out a niche and support my family have left telltale signs.

I used to dye my hair as blond as I could, seeking to recapture the sun bleached style of younger days. But also because I could hide the multiplying white hairs that began to appear...in blond hair I could call them highlights.

But the blond of my youth turned to the natural golden brown and at times I'd give in and let it take over. And with money tight I've had little choice. Now the snow and silver are slowly taking over and the darker chestnut and golden browns are often intertwined with snowy white and silver threads.

I know that I need to try and get myself healthier, but despite the countless visits to the doctor and test after test there is nothing solid to diagnose. A random number of things are wrong, but nothing to link it all together...though I believe that the high stress I've been under for several years may be a large part of the problem.

It is easier said that done to remove the stress from ones life. I've tried my best to keep my center, but financial issues and shortages are far too frequent now. With the lost income from my cousin and the rise in expenses, there's a huge gap in the going out and coming in columns. No matter how hard I try, I have to admit that I'm still floundering as I try to establish some way to make some extra income streams.

I'm hoping that I can keep my focus, reinvent myself and find a way to get ahead this year. I need to make changes; I need to increase my income and find a way to make the changes I want happen. I don't know how, but I need to find a way to move forward.

If I could find the things I need without the cash, I'd do so, but somehow in a world run on paper currency, I am stuck having to amass as much as I'm able to get things moving.

For those that has passed that mid-life marker, I salute your strength and dedication to press on to find a way to reach your goals and dreams. So many have found the path to reinvent themselves in the later half that proves, there's no decline in life after 50, if you choose to rededicate yourself to the journey.

I've some years left to try and recapture that passion and lust for the time ahead, to enjoy the experience and not dwell on the eventual end that lays on the horizon. There's a million memories, thousands of tears and tons of laughter still ahead. I just need to focus on the gift of the day and find the joy to look forward to the surprises of tomorrow.

Warm, Bright Blessings to all...

My son's birthday

Time sure does slip away, it seems like only a short time ago he was just a little boy that was always hungry, even right after we ate!
I finally figured out where all that food was going...he shot up to 6' after his 14th birthday! He's been holding steady at 6' 4" since he turned 20, so I think he's done.

But seeing him sometimes makes me wonder where all the time went...
It feels like we have forever, running in the fields chasing butterflies, wading in the shallows to find tadpoles, and then as I turn, the moment's gone, it's over. And there's a young man who towers above me, he smiles that lost little boy's crooked smile, as he head's out again to look for work.

Has it really been so many years? I look at my daughter, my little tech artist takes after her grandmother and at 18 isn't quite as tall as myself. Yet, I tend to forget that she's a young woman now who's due to get engaged this summer, if all goes according to their plans. And I wonder at how quickly my nest is growing less crowded.

My little one is still here with his endless singing, humming and sound effects. He sings about whatever he's doing; nonsense sing songs that are equally out of tune and in. He talks for his toys in a dozen different voices. He puts them through adventures with a barrage of sound effects that seeks to join the current cacophony of my daughter's pounding music and the blaring noise from the television too.

It is a small comfort, because it keeps at bay the deafening silence that will someday descend when they have all gone. I do not relish that moment, so for now...I join in the symphony of dueling sounds and turn my own music up just a little. Perhaps I seek to drive that day of silence farther away into the future...or at least, believe that I can, even though I know that nothing I do will really stop it.

Time goes on no matter if we pay attention or let it slip away...but if we try to make as many memories as we can in the time we have...maybe it won't be so bad when there are no more memories to make...and we'll have left a treasured legacy behind, within those that shared them with us.

Thinking outside the box

Sometimes the overwhelming obstacle to finding new opportunities is ourselves. We just can't climb out of the box we've built around ourselves. So maybe it might help if we ask ourselves some good questions and see where they take us.
Now don't just read this, actually take the time to write down the questions (or copy paste in wordpad) and answer them for yourself. Pass them on to someone that's having a hard time finding work. You may be surprised by what you discover about yourself.

What skills, talents or abilities do you have?
Now, take it a bit farther than the usual list of things. Think about going farther. Go through the list and ask yourself if you'd be comfortable doing each thing a lot.

Say your good at cooking, everyone raves about your festive foods. You enjoy it as well, but could you deal with cooking that way every day? Could you handle it as a job or as a career position? Would you be able to create a business around it, like catering and be excited and happy with it?

We all have hobbies and interests that we love to do. We may even be really good at doing them. But once you cross the line between hobby and work, something changes. If you do pick something that you love to do, what is it that you love.

It's like listening to a favorite song or  having a favorite food - eventually, you get sick of it and want something different. If you pick something like photography, cooking, accounting, marketing or other; how would you feel doing it every day. Would you be okay with it as your career or business?

Are you a people person, a lone worker or a combination?
This is another important area, because it's vital to the sort of work environment you'd choose. Some people are not at ease dealing with people all the time. Weither it's customers or coworkers, they just aren't into the social mix when it comes to being productive at work.

Others can't work without the interaction and are not comfortable being alone in a small cubical for hours every day. Then there's workers that like having a little bit of both to make the day go by in a productive and efficient manner. Figuring out how much people traffic you can deal with and still be able to focus on tasks is important to the kind of businesses you would want to approach for work or consider for a career.

Do you want an inside job, an outside job or a balance of the two?
People are very different in their lifestyles, so why would we believe that we are any different when it comes to the kind of work we'd feel most at ease with. There are many people that lead active social lives outside work, but are in office jobs or in careers that keep them indoors. Why not look for work that will give you the option to work outside?

For those that like the comfort of working indoors, try to find a way that will still keep you a bit active. Sitting for hours behind a desk isn't good for your health. Take the stairs, go out instead of eating at the office. Make sure that you take a 5 min. moving break every 30-45 min.

Having the flexibility to work inside and outside allows for a nice balance. It can also reduce stress, help with boredom and increase activity. Having a flexible schedule, varied tasks and interesting work can offer greater satisfaction no matter what business you choose to work in.

What is your internal clock setting?
We all have times when we are alert, active and productive. Then there are the times that we are slow, sleepy and drained. Our regular levels are between those times. We function on that plateau most of the time, but often not by choice.

We are made to deal with the so-called "business hours" of the daily grind. It's the traditional 9-5 deal and we're stuck having to be awake to deal with it. Many people fit into this daytime clock setting. But it isn't the only option for business or work.

The night shift in many towns, cities offers many work or career opportunity. When the day jobs are over, this group of workers is off to work. Restaurants, all night diners, night clubs they all need cooks, waitstaff and more. Truckers, pilots, delivery services and other transportation jobs continue on through the night. Stores restock shelves, unload trucks and tend to late night shoppers. Cleaning crews take care of office buildings, parking lots, hotel/motels and more. While security officers and police patrols make sure everything stays safe and secure. So there's plenty of  opportunities available at any time. All you have to do is find one to best fit your own internal clock.

How much money do you want to make?
With the economy slowly creeping forward and unemployment still high, this is a reasonable question. But finding work that's low stress, fits you personally and makes use of your abilities should be considered first.

Plus with some creative thinking, you may be able to work two different jobs at different times. Don't be afraid to try something different. Some jobs can be done online, keep an eye out for telecommuting positions. A part time day and a part time night job could bring in full time pay. Mix it up and see how you can make money and also enjoy the work you do too.

So when looking for different jobs, think of how they fit you. You can open up a whole new area that you never thought of if you broaden your perspective. Some people have taken a class, gone to a museum, learned something new and along the way discovered a new career that rewarded them in a thousand different ways.

Good luck and I hope that this has been useful to you. And if you'd like to be inspired, visit Second Act videos on Yahoo News.

Second Act Videos

After Doug Gowin, watch Mandy Aftel, Paul Giannone and Kathryn Joosten, as they really prove that there is no age limit. There's nothing we can't achieve if we really want to. Bravo!

Carpe Diem!

Sometimes it's a bit Depressing

With the way things are going financially and with so many people in trouble...I had to try to find a way to keep from drowning in depression.

The news tends to focus on all the negative and hardship, rarely do you see a positive story that lifts the spirits and heart. I know stuff like that is happening, that there are people that are trying to make things better...we just don't hear much about it.

Like the editor says,"Bad news sells papers!"

Wouldn't it be great if good news sold more papers?
Like what happened after the last election...with papers worldwide covering that single event... I began to hope again last year...to not feel afraid...and no matter how difficult things get, I'm not going to lose that hope again...

I have to make changes, but they will be my changes...I will move forward and reach for my dreams again...

This way, I can show my kids that it's more than just surviving...life's more than that...it's about really getting your hands dirty and being active in life. It's about truly living one's life to the fullest. Life's messy, dangerous & scary - but it's also exciting, wonderful & amazing.

The journey belongs to the one living it - to choose to drift along and ride the ebb and flow letting it carry us along to where ever it goes. Or we can make the decision instead to live life as one extremely awesome and memorable time!

What do you want to leave behind? There is so much to do that can create a legacy, something to offer others not yet born. The choice for all of us is how we decide what to do. Drift along or steer for your own guiding star...

As I glide along, choosing my path ahead, I wish you well on your own journey. Carpe Diem!

Some Holiday Cheer

It's difficult times and for older kids, I'm hoping that they can understand that the Holidays may not be like those in the past. But there is something that nearly anyone can do to try and make the best of it this year. So dust off your imagination, brush up on your grade school craft and middle school home ec skills and lets get busy.

I recall my own holidays, granted that's a long time ago. But just as things were a bit low tech back then, it may be somewhat low tech now too. What we did was build memories that have stayed with me much longer than others did.

Decorations - what's the holiday without a little cheer. To help make a fake tree feel real, try getting some of those cheap (buck or two) car scent trees or some pine scent candles. Cinnamon and peppermint are also scents to spice up the house.
To decorate the tree, maybe lights aren't available this year. Make a paper link chain for garland. Make foil balls, pop some popcorn and string the popcorn and make garland. Cut out images out of mags or advertisements and if you take tape and put a strip where you then make a hole - it won't tear easy. Then thread, make a loop and hang. You can cut out letters and images to tape to a window. Take a pretty doll, smallish that may or may not have wings and put her at the top of the tree. Or make an aluminum star to put on top.

Now look around the net for a good play dough recipe. I prefer one without a lot of salt. Especially with little kids, they may just try to eat it. Then with a little food coloring, dyes left over from an egg dying kit or some such you can make the clay different colors. It would be a nice little project for making a little gift. Some doughs need to be baked to harden and then painted. Others will air dry - be sure to check out the instructions for the recipe you use.
You could make cute decorations for the tree too.

Cutting out snowflakes is another craft that takes some work. Getting the pattern for the snow flakes is optional, but often recommended so you don't wind up with some very odd looking cut outs. These can be strung about the room or even a garland can be made with the right pattern. There is sure to be an abundance of resources on the net.

Making funnel cakes, sugar cookies, pies and an assortment of treats (recipes online) with the kids in the kitchen can make some fun memories as long as it isn't approached overly serious. Messes happen and it's the sharing and caring, not the condition of the mini concoctions that's important. Look for items at the grocery store that would be perfect for making small cakes/pies and take a small amount of imagination to create.

Hot apple cider, candy canes to decorate the tree, holiday music and the smell of pine and baked goods all can make the whole holiday feel a lot nicer. As for the gifts to put under the tree or in stockings. Think about giving someone a gift of time. A coupon that offers the holder a gift from you. Time to read a story. Time to take a walk. Go to the park for an hour. Watch a movie together. Whatever you want to offer. Just remember, you also have to honor those coupons or they won't be much of a gift.

Even just sending a homemade card and a handwritten note, is a gift of time, to someone special. It can be that simple and mean so very much to that person.

Go through your stored stuff, most people have far too much stuff stored away they haven't seen in ages. Regift some things that you find or hit the dollar store to get the small sample items. Or try a salvation army, good will or thrift store. That's stuff other people finally got rid of - maybe ask if the thrift shop will take some of your things and make some money.

Now for those that would like to get help in the coming months. Get a MyPoints account, then visit your email and click to view the offers that they send you. You get 5 points for each email viewed. Now be sure to fill out their profile questionnaire as that gives more points. They also have surveys...2-3 questions for 50 points. Fairly easy.

Then for you limited few that still shop online, ebay, amazon, etc. Go to the main MyPoints site and THEN go to the ebay (or other) site through their link. Not only are you going to pay for the item you got anyway, by doing a few more clicks to get there through MyPoints you can get points for every dollar you spend, sometimes more.

Now why do you want these points? Because you can trade them in for a gift card. Like $25,$50,$100 cards for Walmart, Kmart and other stores. There are cards for restaurants, book stores, even hotels. The rewards area can tell you more.

Over the last 5yrs that my sister and I've been members of MyPoints, we've spend hundreds of dollars in gift cards. We used to use them as stocking stuffers for the kids, but then it was Walmart/Kmart cards to get stuff that we needed due to not having the money to get it any other way. My sister travels and she's used cards to get a room or food when she needed one due to hiccups during trips.

So hope that some of these idea have been inspiring. There are lots more things that you can do if you think about the old fashioned kind of celebrations that people enjoyed back in the 1950's or around that area. We can do a lot to not only help to enjoy our own holiday, but to help others enjoy their own. It's more than money, it's time, sharing and caring - listening, connecting and making memories together.

I wish you and yours a very warm and wonderful Holiday and a bountiful New Year to come.

Carpe Diem!

Holiday Blues are Getting me Down

Feeling the Holiday Blues starting to creep up on me. What with the financial issues, bills and not having enough to do much of anything - I'm still worried about those out there that are doing worse.
Getting some things together to give out some children books, toys and clothes to a few people I met online. I can't do much for my own, but maybe I can offer something for someone else.

But low energy hasn't been helping me get the boxes and bags packed up very fast. After budgeting in the bills from the income, I'm still short every month - there just isn't enough funds coming in. That's why we'd been scrapping. But with the cooler weather it's getting to be a challenge finding cans in our area. Drinkers are looking for someplace warm to drink, not stand around outside any more.

I've been working on the cooking site, but I'm stuck at the moment due to not having the money to pay for hosting. I'm going to have to figure out a way to set it up for free. Then see if I can get visitors to subscribe to it or to donate funds for the hosting. I'm having a hard time with setting up the database for the recipes since I only have free hosting.

Maybe a few days and I'll feel better. Just feel rather numb, distant and disconnected.
Hope all find some assistance in these hard times...

Happy Thanksgiving

There's always something to be thankful for as long as you can take a breath, there is hope to make some kind of change. So be thankful that you've that opportunity to find help, reach out and live another day.

I've finally added my design page to my homepage website. I wanted to get that done before turkey day takes me away. The turkey has been pardoned, we're having ham this year...lol

Although a friend might let me use her oven while she's off for the Holiday with family, so that bird may get cooked before the end of Nov. yet.

Been stressed lately, but doing okay. Got family here together for now. Not sure about next month, though I'm hoping that my son won't go till after the Holidays. There's a chance that he will have a job up north, staying with my niece there, she's got an extra room for him to use. It will be very odd not having him here since he does a lot of my errands for me.

Heard some possible good news from my cousin the trucker. He may be hired on with a different company. Waiting to hear about that after Thanksgiving. Hopefully it will be good news and he'll be able to get back to work after almost 16 months. Since he was an independent contractor under another trucker before, he received no unemployment benefits. This time he's applying directly to the company instead of just being a freelancer.

Well, hope that everyone can keep it together a little longer. Brightest blessings to you all and to your families.

Picking myself up...and Starting again.

My crowning jewels are my kids, each a treasure all their own. I've always told them that they should follow their dreams, to reach for the stars and be what ever it is they really want to be. But if I'm going to be an example of that, then I need to stop making excuses and reach for my own dreams too.

I've been putting the needs of reality and my family first. Bowing to the world's logic and not following my own as often as I used to.  I've forgotten how to listen to the beat of my own music - my own drummer calling to me. It's time for me to get back to the basics of being me.

Believing in one's ability to create opportunity, to reach for that which seems impossible, that is what makes life the grand journey that it is. Not trying to stumble through a dead end job that barely makes a dent in the stack of bills that are slowly strangling what little joy there is in what's called life today...

• How many people are just barely surviving? (Way too many! The state of poverty is bigger than Texas and California together now!)
• How many are wondering if things will ever change?
  (Stop wondering and start changing things yourself. You don't have to go big.  One step at a time.)
• Will things get better?
  (I don't know. But I'm sure as heck going to try and make things better where and when I can!)
• What will happen if I don't get work?
  (Take control of what you can! Have a yard sale, salvage metal, post on Craigslist or anyplace you think you might be able to sell stuff.  Start locally first if you have to. Also try to  find ways to get what you need without money! Barter services for services. When it comes down to things that you need money for - focus on gathering up a few dollars here and there. Together it will all add up. No matter what, make sure that the situation doesn't paralyze you. If nothing else, we all have a mind, and we can use it to think. Now we can either get ourselves into trouble or out of it. But we do have to use our heads and not panic. Fear is a mind killer. Don't let it immobilize you.)

For me, this blog is all about standing up, dusting off and starting up again. It's my get back in the saddle site.

We've all been knocked down, stumbled or even fallen on our life's journey.  Sometimes, we've had to deal with those that would prefer we stay down. But getting back up is the only way to get started again. To start taking back our life and beginning to control what we can. We have to finding ways to get around those trying to control us. They have no right, it's our life.

It's about taking back your dreams, taking back that energy and joy that gets lost in the daily struggle. It's about finding your own personal star and letting it guide you. It's something we deserve to give to ourselves. It may not be easy, in some ways it might be the hardest thing we've ever done. But the point is to start now.

Even if it's just a stolen hour or two. It's a step forward, a start point to plan, to think, to begin on the work that needs to be done to changing things. 

Start off by changing those things that are holding you back, the negativity that can drain you and dragging you down. Get rid of all that noise that wants to keep you under control and keep you from being happy.

Dreams can come true...but they need you,  some attention, time and maybe a little magick to get them started...

Like Alfred said in the Dark Knight movie: "Why do we fall down Sir? So we can learn how to get back up again."

Good luck learning how to get back up - again, and again...until you make it.  Carpe Diem!

When in Need, We'll find a Way

Can't believe we did it!
We went out in force this weekend and scrapped for metal everywhere!
Got $30 in tin and cans and got $70+ in steel, iron, dead car batteries and other metal.

We made the water payment! Now we're going to keep going so we can get up a bit more to have a bit extra for the bills next month. (Or any unplanned costs that come up this month)

Thankfully, people are litter bugs and messy! You wouldn't believe all the stuff that's  just dumped all over the place - just wish we could find a bunch of copper. Now that would really bring in some extra cash!

Well, I'm beat, so I'm going to go lay down for a while. But remember that no matter the problems, if you work together and stick with it, somehow an answer will show up. Wish you luck in this hard economy.

Carpe Diem!

Catching up a little

Updated my home page...lol Got tired of the other design, this one is nice, but still not as good as my own work. lol
Will be adding the gallery soon too and I may be adding a link section - got one link set up already.
Have a New news page added - just quick things going on that aren't really blog worthy, but that I want to share.

Have been thinking of adding some videos, but that is still a germ of an idea as yet. But it's brewing in the back for now.
I know that somehow I can find a way to make some good income streams online (since it's the only real outlet I have at this time) I just have to figure out the how of it all.

Meanwhile the cooking site is keeping me busy with cleaning up my style sheets (css) and working on creating the free membership area and wp blog section. Bit of a learning curve, but I like a bit of a challenge. lol

Been playing over at PeopleString - it's fun over there. I get to check my mail, go to my social networks and play games just like I normally do - only I earn points to do it. The points in turn can be converted into cash! I'm finding the idea of shared revenue very attractive...lol

Well, gotta bunch of stuff to do. Need to find a stove before Thanksgiving (if possible), need a bunk bed and need to get some paid work so I can cover the rest of the utilities. Whew!
I've got my to-do list loaded!

Catch up with you all when I can sneak another breather. Stay safe and Carpe Diem!

Drifting Thoughts on a Dark, Rainy Day

It's had been raining. But it's over now.
I sit in my chair, in my room while distant voices chatter beyond the closed door.
I'm supposed to be resting. But the pain won't let me find peace. So I sit here. It's not so bad this way.
I like being close to the open window, it's low enough that I can see outside.
I can smell the rain.
I can hear the soft taps of the drops that drip. Leaves outside my window, that little tree has grown so big.
The voices inside become more distant, as I lay my head against the window sill.
Leaning side to side isn't so bad. It's bending that hurts so much.
I look up into the greenery. Some leaves poking in past the open window; I have no screen to stop them.
Dark wet branches twisting upward. My, the little tree is almost to the peak of the roof!
Has time sped on so swiftly? What was I doing that I forgot to notice?
Memories like an out of focus movie drift in a jumble of fleeting images.
I look out at the pale sky, inhale the wet moist earthy scents and feel the longing of my youth.
Of running in the rain, the smell of fresh cut grass and the freedom of being outside in the country.
The hikes taken through the woods, of wading into the river to spear or net trout heading upstream.
I close my eyes and let myself feel and hear...
The cool caress of the air, cleaned by the rain, I can smell the sharp scents of autumn ever so faintly.
The hum of the factories and the highway traffic that's not far away is like white noise.
The conversations of people, the wet sound of car tires on still wet roads, the noise of children and pets.
All drown out the sound of the raindrops that fall to the leaves...
While I sit by the window...
I look and see that night has been creeping closer as I listened in my own darkness.
I wonder sadly, when along the stream of life, I got cast up onto the shore.
Watching as it flows on past while I long to return to it's vibrant currents.
When did I get old?
I've discovered that it's nothing to do with age, experience or knowledge...
Old is that feeling of being invisible. Of looking at your image in the mirror and not knowing who it is that is looking back.
It's not a number, it's a state of mind or rather a state of being.
One does not suddenly "become" old upon reaching their 50th, 60th or higher birth year.
One can become old and yet be very young in years.
I slide the window closed as the darkness grows within my room. I dislike being a donor to the blood drinking insects.
Though of late I'd willingly cross over if a real Lestat or other such type made me the offer.
To escape the confines, the limitations and restrictions that divide me from the rush of life - How could I say no?
If I'm to sup from the glass, filled with the life blood, harvested from the vibrant masses, then so be it.
Barbaric, perhaps. But not inhuman. We do far worse to one another in the course of a day. than any creature or beast.
Of late I sometimes wonder if we have become something less than human, if humane be the ideal of the word.
For in the darkness, with the screen of my monitor the only light, I wonder when we became so lost in ourselves.
A small knock at the door, it opens slowly and my youngest peeks inside.
He smiles at me, seeing that I'm up and awake. He covers his eyes with his hand.
I close mine as he turns on the light. When I open my eyes the light is only a little harsh, he's dimmed it down.
With my vision fading, I can't make out details, not even up close. But he comes to my chair and hugs me.
"Do you feel better now?" he asks me.
I can't help, but smile and reply, "Yes, much better now my dear."
It is a lie, but one I can live with. I don't want him to know my pain. I don't want him to worry.
Yet I long to be the woman I once was, before my world came crashing down.
I want to be the mother he deserves, one that can play, run and swing him around.
I do not see the mother I once was, now I appear as a grandmother, when my reflection I see.
Time has taken a toll far greater than I wish to pay, relentless stress and ill health have added their price too.
A voice calls out from another room, my young son kisses my cheek and dashes off in reply.
I look at my computer, the monitor glows and I am thankful for the one thing that I can still claim.
Through the connections, the networks and resources that are dug up like vast pirate treasures...I live.
In that world with no form, I can be all that I once was and become even more than I can physically here.
Despite the cards dealt that cheated me from being as active as I used to be, chaining me in pain...
I can claim the key of knowledge, the crown of mental determination to achieve what I set out to do.
Road blocks, obstacles are breached by the technology that offers me some small freedoms.
My victory is bittersweet, for I still long for the days of my memory - when I was truly free....
But when one is captive, one relishes what small tastes of freedom one can get...even if it's not really real...
I missed out on watching the rain...
Maybe I'll get to next time.

Another year coming to an end...

Well, another year is winding down to the homestretch. With the fall season upon us, it tends to remind us of the passing of time - our time.  The changes in life often happen very quickly, we are caught up in the whirlwind of activities. The rushing flow of life pulls us along in tow through the day to day struggles, events and relationships.

But in the fall there is a time, not everyone notices it, but those of us with more snow on top tend to sense it more often. It's a time to reflect, to take stock in life. Your own life mostly, the direction you're going in and how you fit into or don't fit into the life you are living. It can become a rather shocking wake-up call for those that haven't done it before.

But if you've passed through these calm, still moments before, it's much easier to feel more confident and steady in the assessment of your life in the passing year. The good thing about a fall assessment is that you still have time during the early winter, before the New Year, to complete any tasks you'd forgotten.

I've found my days blurring into one another often; keeping up with a 7yr old, dealing with teenager issues and of course there's the bills, the mortgage and the furry members of the family.  Now add to that the rising costs of just about everything, the shrinking incomes, extended family events and then the world news picture on top of it all.

In our world I've noticed that this fall marks a very violent time. We've more intense feelings, actions and vocalizations now more than I'd noticed in other years. The positive emotions, the surge of purpose and the general feelings of unity where short lived. There's a bitterness, a movement to drag down all that hope that flared for a time, it's spreading a negative, hateful veil over so much of the world.

But I still believe that the light of a single candle can still drive back the darkest night. That the shadows on the wall are only our own insecurities and fears, we alone can drive those that feed on our fears away. So many out there in the world look to corrupt, breed intolerance, hate and violence. Before we fall into their deceptive traps, we must ask "What do they get out of this? What gain/reward do they receive?"

This answer can offer us the most important protection against this kind of manipulation. We need to look to the better person inside of us all.  (I'm being optimistic, but I'm hoping I'm right.) I'm hoping that before the New Year that the emotional health of society will improve. (Wishful thinking, but it's better than nothing.)

So in this time of endings, I hope to see an ending to the dark and troubling times. I hope that in the year ahead there will be room for all and that the light will shine with hope from billions of hearts and drive away the darkness from our lives. I hope all will find better days ahead, that society comes to the realization that we can make our lives brighter a day at a time. We just need to take that first step...to take action.

Take care and safe journey....Carp Diem!

Bailing out a Sinking Financial Boat

I've been struggling since last Dec. with things changing drastically for the worst financially. But we're still trying to stay positive and do all we can to keep moving forward.

We've been scrapping metal, gathering cans, metal junk from around the neighborhood to make a bit extra to help with paying the bills. Unfortunately, my disability money covers very little now. With no increase this year and the costs all going up, it's to be expected.

The mortgage went up almost a hundred due to some escrow imbalance. So far the modification I've been trying to get to reduce the 10.84% APR hasn't gone anywhere. I've been told that this is way too high and that I needed to fight to get it adjusted. I admit, it would be easier to pay the utilities, if the mortgage wasn't so high.

I've been searching Craigslist for gigs, free items and putting ads in to get rid of things. My oven died last Nov. and I've not been able to replace it yet. The stove top still works, but I miss baking for the Holidays. Even though we don't have too much, I've been getting things together to give away to other families in need. Especially with the Holidays coming I've been getting together with some people online to make sure that they have a little something for the kids under the tree.

I've been able to keep going with help from family, friends and being very financially thrifty with what money I get. I make a little over 1K a month in cash IF the child support comes in. Last year I got a dollar for Dec. - which made the month even harder to get through. I've used MyPoints for the last year to get Walmart gift cards with the points I earn to help with cash items that we needed. But it does take a while to get up enough points to redeem those gift cards.

I've been a web/print designer for over a decade. I've done wedding packages, funeral packages, business cards and created websites too. But the economy isn't recovered enough to help me out in that area much now. So I have to find other ways to try and earn some extra money online. It isn't easy. There's a lot of things online that are too good to be true, but are very tempting. So you have to keep on your toes and trust that little voice not to fall for all the hype.

I don't know how things are going to continue on from here. But no matter what happens, my family will keep working at moving forward and staying afloat no matter what. Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to read my posts. 

Carpe Diem!

Moving forward can be difficult sometimes.

There's some road blocks keeping me from moving forward and it's getting harder to deal with them. One of the road blocks is my servicing company, Litton Loan. Not only have they raised my mortgage payment, they are doing all they can to deny me a modification on that mortgage.
Despite HUD councilors and other financial aid workers stating that I definitely qualify for a modification.
The trouble is it could get even worse if I don't get this mortgage reduced and the 10.84% dropped soon. I will be losing some of my income in just a few more months, if I'm lucky, it may not happen for a few more years. But I am going to lose $355 in income soon, with only my SSI of $674/month left to live on.

The mortgage payments for now are about $570/month which leaves very little to pay for the utilities. It's also got to cover the basics - tp, foil, wrap or bags, all soaps, sponges, health care items, etc. Which I can't always cover right now.
Later it's going to be impossible unless I have that income replaced or I find a way to reduce or both. Currently, Litton says I'm 2 months behind on the payments - I say 1 payment, but it doesn't matter, they are always right. Even when they are wrong - they make you pay for it anyhow.

So that would be a total of $1,140 plus fees that I will have to pay. I'm trying to find some freelance work I can do via the computer online. I've done many things over they years, I've many skills and knowledge to tap into if I could just figure out how to use it online to make some money.
There are so many scams and so called "ez money" programs. There are guru's making fortunes online and offering tons of systems for others to learn. It would just be nice to have someone tell me one simple way to make money online and it actually work. Without waiting months, without studying ebooks and videos, without having to set up some complicated system that might make $10 in a few months. I want something that I can do a couple hours a day, that will bring in money regularly.

I don't want to be another scammer selling junk to newbies either. I want to feel good about what I offer and what I'm doing.

Another way that I could get out of this pickle I'm in with Litton Loan, is if someone buys the mortgage. That way I pay them and not Litton anymore. Hopefully I would get someone that will be fair and allow me the much needed funds to fix up the place. Right now, I can't afford to even fix the leaky sink faucet.
The amount owed would be more than what is listed on my paperwork, but the principle that's listed is $39,899.87 - the appraised value is in the $40's - though in 2008 it was appraised at $60k - at least its not "underwater" as so many other home loans are today.

I would love to get some property up north, VA, TN, WV, in the area of the Blue Ridge Mts. Something I have always dreamed of doing is getting a piece of land, have a place on it and live off the grid eventually.
I wouldn't mind having a DW put on and then set up a garden, creating a pond to stock and setting up ways to collect green energy. Wind, water, sun and thermal...hydroponics, water catch basin and more.  I've missed living off the land and yet I know I'll still have to be somewhat close to some kind of store and bank.
Five acres would allow horses, which I'd need for a wagon or buggy. Mules would do too, but they tend to have some attitude issues. Chickens, goats, rabbits and a cow would be nice - if the bills are low enough then I could afford to hire a person to help out. I've a lot of knowledge on how to grow crops, comb wool and make money from the products and by-products produced.

Right now, the stress involved with living here and trying to scrap by just to survive is making me ill. It's also complicating other health issues. I know that somehow, I have to reduce the stress and make changes in my life that won't be easy. The problem is that I know I can't make them alone. I am going to need help to do the things that need to be done.

I'm thankful for all the help I've received already from very dear friends and from those online that are my cyberpals. Their encouragement and support are very helpful to me. This part of my journey has been very bumpy and rough. But I trust that somehow, someway that I will get past it with a little help from those who decide to step in to lend a hand. No one gets anywhere all on their own, we all need someone at some point to give us a hand up.

If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or advice - pass it on. I welcome any help of any kind, when it comes to helping my family get by, there is no reason not to ask for help when you need it.

Hope that your journey is clear of blocks or bumps, may your path be one of sunny days and warm breezes.
Take care and safe journey to you...Carp Diem!

In Rememberance of Hunter 8/2006

The first week in August was the start of the bad times that rolled over us. At 7:30AM a pickup truck had a blow out and crashed into our yard through the chain link fence. It took out a flowering tree and hit the metal post of the gate so hard it bounced back almost 3 feet!

Our pet, Hunter, was chained up in the front yard...when the sound of the crash woke us up we felt sure that our companion was dead. Imagine our relief when we went out and found him alive...frightened and barely able to move with only a few feet not caught under the truck wheel.

We brought our Hunter inside to enjoy the air conditioning and he rested and behaved himself wonderfully inside. We had to walk him on his leash since the yard was open now...the insurance company told the guy's boss that they couldn't come and fix my yard. (Despite the fact they were willing to come and do it later in the afternoon, the day of the accident. Since it was a company truck. They even went and bought the supplies to do the job...)

Hunter seemed alright, he was quiet and only made a fuss if he had to go out. He'd been taught not to play in the house due to his size. He was a large white shepherd mix - very much a ham and big baby when it came to thunder and fireworks.  Almost a week later, I finally got the side yard set up so he could be hooked up outside again. Walking on a lease just wasn't enough exercise for him anyway. So we got him settled in and I went out to give him his dinner that late afternoon. He seemed fine, he was laying down and came over when I put his dish down. His appetite had been normal and he'd given no sign of illness or of injury the whole time he was inside. He just slept most of the time and got up to go out and eat...

The next morning my daughter came to me in tears..."Hunter's dead!" she told me. I rushed outside and sure enough, there he lay on his side like he always did when he was napping. But there was a very obvious feeling that he wasn't asleep, just the way he lay there...I knew he was gone. I just couldn't understand it...how? He'd been alive and he seemed okay the afternoon before...how could he be gone now?

I called up the vet and talked with her about it. She listened and asked some questions. She knew Hunter well and said that only an autopsy would give the details. But I didn't have the money for it, nor did I really want him cut open like a turkey either. She said that her best guess was that he had been hit by the truck when it crashed into the yard. It might have been a glancing blow, but with enough force to cause some internal injuries. She also said that I shouldn't blame myself, knowing full well if Hunter had shown any sign of injury that I'd have rushed him in to see her.  A few days later the staff sent a very nice card to tell us how sorry they were at our loss.

Of course, I was told that without the autopsy the insurance company would not "pay me for the loss of the  animal". Like they could ever pay me enough to take the hurt away, they couldn't give me what my daughter and I wanted most...we wanted Hunter back!

But then everything is reduced to numbers and values when it comes to claims. It all has to add up nicely to an answerable sum. Mostly the lowest of sums is the most agreeable to keep the company in the black.

We lay him to rest and we grieved for the loss of our friend, only 4 yrs old and taken from us so suddenly. Our joy was now bitter sorrow, yet we did spend almost a week with him close to us. Even if it was only borrowed time, it was time that we spent together. I will remember him in the memories we have of him...from the fluffy butterball puppy he was...to the sweet, yet silly bear he grew up to become.

Our yard is still a mess, almost a month after the accident. I only just today got the check from them for the value of the repairs. I was told that it would be the least amount of the three estimates given...but it still doesn't take away the heartache of seeing that yard torn up...reminding us of our loss...day after day while we waited. I don't know what I'm going to do just yet with the money.  But at least tomorrow we can start to clear away the damage to the yard. In a way it will be the final closure that we've needed for a while now.

Maybe now as we enter September, we can find a more positive path to travel. We need some sunshine to come and warm us...we've been in a cloudy darkness that has taken away the joy we once felt. But I know that in time, we will find our way back from this loss. Our hearts are still tender and need to heal. Only time, family and fond remembrance will ease the pain of this tragedy.

We miss you Hunter...where ever you are...you will always be in our hearts and thoughts. Thank you for being such a good friend and companion...you're forever a part of our family.

Reposted in memory of our dear Hunter.

We still have his son, Cerberus, who is now 5yrs old, but we hope to find him a good home since our money problems are making it almost impossible to keep him. I've been trying to get up money for the vet, for food that he'll eat and all - but it's harder as time goes by. The financial issues are steep and I know that I need to make sure that we have the utilities on and a roof over our heads. I know Cerberus would understand, but so far I've found no one that would give him a good home.

I want him to be part of a family, given attention and love. So far I've not found the right people for him yet...we know that if we want what's best for him, we need to let him go. Since we can't give him what he needs...it bothers me when he gets a bit lean, he's picky and won't settle for the cheap dog food. I've given him my share of food far too often to help him stay fit...

I hope that Hunter understands my need to find Cerberus a new family...I know that he'd worry about us as he was always trying to take care of us himself. Thanks for reading my posting...

Southern Summer Sun...

...ain't no fun!

Well, maybe I need to clarify that statement a bit.  Living in a brick and cinder block style house with no a/c can be like living inside a brick oven! Now add in a southern location and you're really cooking! Or rather - I'm being cooked!

So this is one of the reasons for the lack of updates here,  since I'm too soggy to post or I'm slowly melting out of my chair and not able to type anything coherent. Thankfully, at the moment it is a very nice 78 degrees while I'm writing this and the early morning is just starting to wake up. Of course, this post is being written now and will be posted later - I've found this to be a way to beat the heat and better compose my posts. Why I hadn't thought of this before stumps me...

There is some good news since last I posted - the pool has been set up and I've been enjoying it as often as possible.  Swimming in a pool is one of the few things I'm still able to enjoy. It's just a round one, around 3-4' deep - so it's not like I'm having to worry about depth or things like that. But at least it's a way to get cool and have fun with my kids.

I miss being able to do other things I enjoyed doing, but finances just don't allow things like this anymore. We all had fun bowling, me more zen bowling than really bowling. Hiking isn't possible, camping and hunting, horseback riding and going to the movies. (I get a kink in my neck sitting up front and seeing blurry colors the size of a barn still doesn't help me figure out what's going on.) I loved going to the museums, art galleries and theater - was an avid bow hunter, liked to fish - spear, not the passive kind - and was an experienced equestrian, hunter & dressage class. 

A whole lot has changed, not just due to the economic issues that everyone is going through - but even before that. When my vision issues started up, I tried to ignore them. Denying that they would stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, after a few years - even I had to finally face the reality that I couldn't do some things any more. Some things could be dangerous to me, if I tried to do them on my own. Some things I could still do, but I'd need special equipment and/or someone to help me.

In many ways, loss of vision made it hard to really enjoy some things I used to do.  But being stubborn, I kept looking for new things that I could do and find ways to do things. Getting into computers was one of the best things I got into. It led me to discovering new ways to learn, play and then when I got online a whole new world was opened up for me.

Granted things haven't been easy to deal with over the years and since my last update I've been struggling to get a handle on situations that are plaguing a lot of people out there. I've got a mortgage that I'm trying to keep out of foreclosure, get a modification on, as well as try to get them to lower my rate of 10.84% so that I'm not stressing month after month to make my payments. I'm tired of disconnect notices just like everyone else that's trying to make ends meet with little income, thanks to the financial hardships that hit over the last 18 months or more.

Somehow it seems that the more you try to improve your situation, better things for your family and just get ahead - the whole system looks to pull you down and yank the supports out from under you. Sorta like climbing up on a very high ladder and the person that's supposed to be holding it steady, keeps letting go when you try to go up another rung. It get's really frustrating after a while.

It's like my mortgage. I get a letter to ask about a modification. Cool!
So I do it and I'm told an envelope will be sent telling me what to do. Great!
Then a few days later I get a letter stating that due to a shortage in my escrow my mortgage will be adjusted up - by over $110!
I get some advice and request that they extend the payment shortage from 12 to 24 and now it just goes up almost $80! But it's better - despite the fact that going up wasn't what I needed.

I'd asked for the modification due to the difficulty I was already having with the original payment, thanks to the economic melt down.
The situation is now worse than it was before I asked for help.
My one brother always says, "No good deed, goes unpunished."
I really don't want to agree with that statement - but things haven't been going very smooth - though I'm still trying to focus on moving forward.

On that point of moving forward - I'm still sharpening my skills, working on increasing my knowledge base and trying to expand my network into areas that I haven't touched on in over 30 years. I had a good foundation back then and put it all on the back burner to tend to the issues of life. Having children, trying to run a home, get an education and find work all ate up the time available to me. I lost so many opportunities because I didn't know they existed.

If I only knew then, what I know now, it would have been the key to changing my whole life! But that's why hindsight is 20/20 - Plus all the 'what if's' won't change the future - but they do offer great starting points in brainstorming ideas for writing.

The writing life is not an easy one, but it's my high - my addiction of sorts. Sometimes I think writers have a god complex somewhere inside - it's all about creating something. We torment our main characters, like a sadistic puppet master. We go over every little thing like someone obsessed till everything is just the way we want it.

Maybe writers are a little bit crazy - maybe not. Either way, it doesn't hurt and it just might make the whole process easier to deal with sometimes. Plus when it comes to some writers being crazy, it would explain a lot. But then I'm not naming names either. XD

For me, my mind's a rather crowded place. Not only are all aspects of me in there, but a continues flow of characters come and go like commuters in some intergalactic transport station. I think there's an attached hotel since some tend to hang around a while. Others tend to flit in and out on a regular bases, while others make a one time stop over - never to return. Surprisingly enough, I've sanity left to deal with the mental inside fantasy world and make sure it doesn't interfere with the outer reality that I'm stuck in physically.

I will admit, that I've a very nice bungalow on a lovely bit of beach front property, on one of the Azure Ondrea islands. It's in the Vestorius Quadrant of the Melgorian System, which is a popular retirement and tourist area. I especially love the multiple moons in the evening. The duel suns make for amazing sunsets. Unfortunately, I'm not a morning person, so I always miss out on the sunrises.

Of course, it's just a rental for those times when I really need to just get away and get some "me" time... It's a shame they don't allow outside the galactic quadrant purchasing - ownership is for planetary residents only.

Well, time for me to close this posting. My physical body is demanding some food and I'll admit I'm a bit thirsty. So thus my rolling rambling and flights of fancy must come to an end...for now. But who knows what I shall post about next time...

I've never been known to be overly predictable - it takes all the fun out of living. So until the when of my next entry - Carpe Diem!

It's been a bumpy ride lately...

Well a whole lots been going on offline that's been keeping me very involved. Not all of it is stuff I want to do, but it's stuff that I have to do.  Big difference. Needless to say there were some disappointments and obstacles that came up as they tend to do along this journey.
 
Most disheartening was that my opportunity to make some good money on a great project didn't develop as I'd hoped. The client didn't have the budget to pay me and decided to shelf the whole project for another time.

Not the first time that's happened, but when another client did about the same thing not a week later, it was becoming clear that the business was in big trouble. Clients with no funds means no business and lots of wasted time.  So I've been looking for other ways to earn some money since my business is closed down.

I've returned to something that has been a special passion for me since I was a young child. I've been doing some writing for expression, blogging and commenting online for a while also. I'd stopped writing some years ago and only just recently started up again as I missed it quite a bit. Writing's always been a very big part of who I am and when I stopped to pursue my online business it was like a piece of me was missing.

So I started to write again, posting some of my work up on a few writing sites. But now, I'm looking to give it another shot and see about getting published again. If I can freelance for now it will give me a bit more freedom.

I was last published over thirty years ago and I think maybe it's time to give it another chance before I take all my stories with me. My kids have told me time and time again that they don't want that to happen, so I've been busy doing quite a lot of writing the last few months. I just have to figure out what to do with it all so it can generate some income.

Now to be completely honest I've also been playing some MMORPGs - but then there's two main reasons that I play these sort of games.  One is that I enjoy them and they give me some stress relief. Some people work out, others listen to music or watch a favorite show or movie - I play a game of some kind, either online or on my computer. But the main focus is usually kicking something's butt - since I shouldn't be taking out violence on the people that drive me crazy.

For example the mortgage company people that raised my mortgage almost a hundred dollars, AFTER I put the paperwork in for a modification to LOWER my payment due to the hardships I'm having financially - along with so many others out there in this economy. I was hoping that they'd at least drop the 10.84% I have to something more reasonable.

Or the electric guy that reads my meter, who I'm guessing is a new guy, because I get a letter that he can't read my meter and was just estimating my bill due to the fact I have a "bad dog" in the yard that is in the way. This is annoying since he estimated the bill a tad high and the fact that the dog is chained inside the yard and she can't even reach the area he needs to go to. The only thing she has a habit of doing besides barking is trying to grab legs with her front paws. The fact that she's been there for the last 9 months and no one else has had any problem, leads me to believe this is a new non dog liking meter person. Needless to say she is now been moved to the other side of the yard where she can get more shade and not be bothered by this meter reader.

The other reason may seem a bit strange, but I get inspired and often develop characters inside these RPG style games. After playing on popular MMO I had a scene come to me as things like this often do, which I was quite excited by due to the conflict and the crossing of the proverbial "line" that some groups have when it comes to behavior and such.

So with a little prodding by my son, I wrote a fan fiction short. Something I'd never really done before. I mean, this was very different from my memoir shorts and went to a fictional place that I'd only experienced through the game environment. Surprisingly it turned out very nicely and encouraged I posted it up online. Since then I've had requests for more with the characters I used for that story.

I love writing, creating and taking the ride through my imagination to unbelievable worlds that I wish sometimes really existed so I could go explore them better.  It would be really great if I could get published again, but more than that I'd just love the chance to share my stories. If anyone would like to see some of the things I've already posted, the link to Writer's Cafe is on the home page. But I've also started posting on fanfiction.net - which would still be under Starrweaver.

If anyone wants me to start including some of my writing on here I could be persuaded to do so if enough asked me. Otherwise my kids will pester me until I do it anyway. lol

Currently I'm having some troubles with paying the utilities since I've had to put out so much more on the mortgage. I'm hoping that I can get some work or even sell a few things, though I'm running out of stuff. If I'm not on for some time it may be because I've been unable to cover paying for everything.  I may have to go to the library or see if I can borrow a laptop and leech a wireless connection over at the McDonald's or the diner down the road.

Till next time, stay safe and stay true to yourself,
Carpe Diem!