Moving forward can be difficult sometimes.

There's some road blocks keeping me from moving forward and it's getting harder to deal with them. One of the road blocks is my servicing company, Litton Loan. Not only have they raised my mortgage payment, they are doing all they can to deny me a modification on that mortgage.
Despite HUD councilors and other financial aid workers stating that I definitely qualify for a modification.
The trouble is it could get even worse if I don't get this mortgage reduced and the 10.84% dropped soon. I will be losing some of my income in just a few more months, if I'm lucky, it may not happen for a few more years. But I am going to lose $355 in income soon, with only my SSI of $674/month left to live on.

The mortgage payments for now are about $570/month which leaves very little to pay for the utilities. It's also got to cover the basics - tp, foil, wrap or bags, all soaps, sponges, health care items, etc. Which I can't always cover right now.
Later it's going to be impossible unless I have that income replaced or I find a way to reduce or both. Currently, Litton says I'm 2 months behind on the payments - I say 1 payment, but it doesn't matter, they are always right. Even when they are wrong - they make you pay for it anyhow.

So that would be a total of $1,140 plus fees that I will have to pay. I'm trying to find some freelance work I can do via the computer online. I've done many things over they years, I've many skills and knowledge to tap into if I could just figure out how to use it online to make some money.
There are so many scams and so called "ez money" programs. There are guru's making fortunes online and offering tons of systems for others to learn. It would just be nice to have someone tell me one simple way to make money online and it actually work. Without waiting months, without studying ebooks and videos, without having to set up some complicated system that might make $10 in a few months. I want something that I can do a couple hours a day, that will bring in money regularly.

I don't want to be another scammer selling junk to newbies either. I want to feel good about what I offer and what I'm doing.

Another way that I could get out of this pickle I'm in with Litton Loan, is if someone buys the mortgage. That way I pay them and not Litton anymore. Hopefully I would get someone that will be fair and allow me the much needed funds to fix up the place. Right now, I can't afford to even fix the leaky sink faucet.
The amount owed would be more than what is listed on my paperwork, but the principle that's listed is $39,899.87 - the appraised value is in the $40's - though in 2008 it was appraised at $60k - at least its not "underwater" as so many other home loans are today.

I would love to get some property up north, VA, TN, WV, in the area of the Blue Ridge Mts. Something I have always dreamed of doing is getting a piece of land, have a place on it and live off the grid eventually.
I wouldn't mind having a DW put on and then set up a garden, creating a pond to stock and setting up ways to collect green energy. Wind, water, sun and thermal...hydroponics, water catch basin and more.  I've missed living off the land and yet I know I'll still have to be somewhat close to some kind of store and bank.
Five acres would allow horses, which I'd need for a wagon or buggy. Mules would do too, but they tend to have some attitude issues. Chickens, goats, rabbits and a cow would be nice - if the bills are low enough then I could afford to hire a person to help out. I've a lot of knowledge on how to grow crops, comb wool and make money from the products and by-products produced.

Right now, the stress involved with living here and trying to scrap by just to survive is making me ill. It's also complicating other health issues. I know that somehow, I have to reduce the stress and make changes in my life that won't be easy. The problem is that I know I can't make them alone. I am going to need help to do the things that need to be done.

I'm thankful for all the help I've received already from very dear friends and from those online that are my cyberpals. Their encouragement and support are very helpful to me. This part of my journey has been very bumpy and rough. But I trust that somehow, someway that I will get past it with a little help from those who decide to step in to lend a hand. No one gets anywhere all on their own, we all need someone at some point to give us a hand up.

If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or advice - pass it on. I welcome any help of any kind, when it comes to helping my family get by, there is no reason not to ask for help when you need it.

Hope that your journey is clear of blocks or bumps, may your path be one of sunny days and warm breezes.
Take care and safe journey to you...Carp Diem!

Southern Summer Sun...

...ain't no fun!

Well, maybe I need to clarify that statement a bit.  Living in a brick and cinder block style house with no a/c can be like living inside a brick oven! Now add in a southern location and you're really cooking! Or rather - I'm being cooked!

So this is one of the reasons for the lack of updates here,  since I'm too soggy to post or I'm slowly melting out of my chair and not able to type anything coherent. Thankfully, at the moment it is a very nice 78 degrees while I'm writing this and the early morning is just starting to wake up. Of course, this post is being written now and will be posted later - I've found this to be a way to beat the heat and better compose my posts. Why I hadn't thought of this before stumps me...

There is some good news since last I posted - the pool has been set up and I've been enjoying it as often as possible.  Swimming in a pool is one of the few things I'm still able to enjoy. It's just a round one, around 3-4' deep - so it's not like I'm having to worry about depth or things like that. But at least it's a way to get cool and have fun with my kids.

I miss being able to do other things I enjoyed doing, but finances just don't allow things like this anymore. We all had fun bowling, me more zen bowling than really bowling. Hiking isn't possible, camping and hunting, horseback riding and going to the movies. (I get a kink in my neck sitting up front and seeing blurry colors the size of a barn still doesn't help me figure out what's going on.) I loved going to the museums, art galleries and theater - was an avid bow hunter, liked to fish - spear, not the passive kind - and was an experienced equestrian, hunter & dressage class. 

A whole lot has changed, not just due to the economic issues that everyone is going through - but even before that. When my vision issues started up, I tried to ignore them. Denying that they would stop me from doing what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, after a few years - even I had to finally face the reality that I couldn't do some things any more. Some things could be dangerous to me, if I tried to do them on my own. Some things I could still do, but I'd need special equipment and/or someone to help me.

In many ways, loss of vision made it hard to really enjoy some things I used to do.  But being stubborn, I kept looking for new things that I could do and find ways to do things. Getting into computers was one of the best things I got into. It led me to discovering new ways to learn, play and then when I got online a whole new world was opened up for me.

Granted things haven't been easy to deal with over the years and since my last update I've been struggling to get a handle on situations that are plaguing a lot of people out there. I've got a mortgage that I'm trying to keep out of foreclosure, get a modification on, as well as try to get them to lower my rate of 10.84% so that I'm not stressing month after month to make my payments. I'm tired of disconnect notices just like everyone else that's trying to make ends meet with little income, thanks to the financial hardships that hit over the last 18 months or more.

Somehow it seems that the more you try to improve your situation, better things for your family and just get ahead - the whole system looks to pull you down and yank the supports out from under you. Sorta like climbing up on a very high ladder and the person that's supposed to be holding it steady, keeps letting go when you try to go up another rung. It get's really frustrating after a while.

It's like my mortgage. I get a letter to ask about a modification. Cool!
So I do it and I'm told an envelope will be sent telling me what to do. Great!
Then a few days later I get a letter stating that due to a shortage in my escrow my mortgage will be adjusted up - by over $110!
I get some advice and request that they extend the payment shortage from 12 to 24 and now it just goes up almost $80! But it's better - despite the fact that going up wasn't what I needed.

I'd asked for the modification due to the difficulty I was already having with the original payment, thanks to the economic melt down.
The situation is now worse than it was before I asked for help.
My one brother always says, "No good deed, goes unpunished."
I really don't want to agree with that statement - but things haven't been going very smooth - though I'm still trying to focus on moving forward.

On that point of moving forward - I'm still sharpening my skills, working on increasing my knowledge base and trying to expand my network into areas that I haven't touched on in over 30 years. I had a good foundation back then and put it all on the back burner to tend to the issues of life. Having children, trying to run a home, get an education and find work all ate up the time available to me. I lost so many opportunities because I didn't know they existed.

If I only knew then, what I know now, it would have been the key to changing my whole life! But that's why hindsight is 20/20 - Plus all the 'what if's' won't change the future - but they do offer great starting points in brainstorming ideas for writing.

The writing life is not an easy one, but it's my high - my addiction of sorts. Sometimes I think writers have a god complex somewhere inside - it's all about creating something. We torment our main characters, like a sadistic puppet master. We go over every little thing like someone obsessed till everything is just the way we want it.

Maybe writers are a little bit crazy - maybe not. Either way, it doesn't hurt and it just might make the whole process easier to deal with sometimes. Plus when it comes to some writers being crazy, it would explain a lot. But then I'm not naming names either. XD

For me, my mind's a rather crowded place. Not only are all aspects of me in there, but a continues flow of characters come and go like commuters in some intergalactic transport station. I think there's an attached hotel since some tend to hang around a while. Others tend to flit in and out on a regular bases, while others make a one time stop over - never to return. Surprisingly enough, I've sanity left to deal with the mental inside fantasy world and make sure it doesn't interfere with the outer reality that I'm stuck in physically.

I will admit, that I've a very nice bungalow on a lovely bit of beach front property, on one of the Azure Ondrea islands. It's in the Vestorius Quadrant of the Melgorian System, which is a popular retirement and tourist area. I especially love the multiple moons in the evening. The duel suns make for amazing sunsets. Unfortunately, I'm not a morning person, so I always miss out on the sunrises.

Of course, it's just a rental for those times when I really need to just get away and get some "me" time... It's a shame they don't allow outside the galactic quadrant purchasing - ownership is for planetary residents only.

Well, time for me to close this posting. My physical body is demanding some food and I'll admit I'm a bit thirsty. So thus my rolling rambling and flights of fancy must come to an end...for now. But who knows what I shall post about next time...

I've never been known to be overly predictable - it takes all the fun out of living. So until the when of my next entry - Carpe Diem!