This last Sat. was my birthday...just another day as things went. But I was a bit depressed by it's arrival and subsequent departure. It seems that the day just keeps counting the years till the end of my given time. The closer I get to the proverbial "hill" the more I dread the ticking of the yearly clock that pushes me ever closer.
I've looked behind me, at the descent of my health, the damage of stress and the deterioration of my physical abilities. Even my memory and sharpness mentally have been effected over the last few years.
I fight the inevitable, but I'm not some celebrity with truckloads of cash to go to some fancy "body shop" spa and get the wrinkles ironed out, the flab tucked or the assets lifted. The years of struggle, to carve out a niche and support my family have left telltale signs.
I used to dye my hair as blond as I could, seeking to recapture the sun bleached style of younger days. But also because I could hide the multiplying white hairs that began to appear...in blond hair I could call them highlights.
But the blond of my youth turned to the natural golden brown and at times I'd give in and let it take over. And with money tight I've had little choice. Now the snow and silver are slowly taking over and the darker chestnut and golden browns are often intertwined with snowy white and silver threads.
I know that I need to try and get myself healthier, but despite the countless visits to the doctor and test after test there is nothing solid to diagnose. A random number of things are wrong, but nothing to link it all together...though I believe that the high stress I've been under for several years may be a large part of the problem.
It is easier said that done to remove the stress from ones life. I've tried my best to keep my center, but financial issues and shortages are far too frequent now. With the lost income from my cousin and the rise in expenses, there's a huge gap in the going out and coming in columns. No matter how hard I try, I have to admit that I'm still floundering as I try to establish some way to make some extra income streams.
I'm hoping that I can keep my focus, reinvent myself and find a way to get ahead this year. I need to make changes; I need to increase my income and find a way to make the changes I want happen. I don't know how, but I need to find a way to move forward.
If I could find the things I need without the cash, I'd do so, but somehow in a world run on paper currency, I am stuck having to amass as much as I'm able to get things moving.
For those that has passed that mid-life marker, I salute your strength and dedication to press on to find a way to reach your goals and dreams. So many have found the path to reinvent themselves in the later half that proves, there's no decline in life after 50, if you choose to rededicate yourself to the journey.
I've some years left to try and recapture that passion and lust for the time ahead, to enjoy the experience and not dwell on the eventual end that lays on the horizon. There's a million memories, thousands of tears and tons of laughter still ahead. I just need to focus on the gift of the day and find the joy to look forward to the surprises of tomorrow.
Warm, Bright Blessings to all...
I've looked behind me, at the descent of my health, the damage of stress and the deterioration of my physical abilities. Even my memory and sharpness mentally have been effected over the last few years.
I fight the inevitable, but I'm not some celebrity with truckloads of cash to go to some fancy "body shop" spa and get the wrinkles ironed out, the flab tucked or the assets lifted. The years of struggle, to carve out a niche and support my family have left telltale signs.
I used to dye my hair as blond as I could, seeking to recapture the sun bleached style of younger days. But also because I could hide the multiplying white hairs that began to appear...in blond hair I could call them highlights.
But the blond of my youth turned to the natural golden brown and at times I'd give in and let it take over. And with money tight I've had little choice. Now the snow and silver are slowly taking over and the darker chestnut and golden browns are often intertwined with snowy white and silver threads.
I know that I need to try and get myself healthier, but despite the countless visits to the doctor and test after test there is nothing solid to diagnose. A random number of things are wrong, but nothing to link it all together...though I believe that the high stress I've been under for several years may be a large part of the problem.
It is easier said that done to remove the stress from ones life. I've tried my best to keep my center, but financial issues and shortages are far too frequent now. With the lost income from my cousin and the rise in expenses, there's a huge gap in the going out and coming in columns. No matter how hard I try, I have to admit that I'm still floundering as I try to establish some way to make some extra income streams.
I'm hoping that I can keep my focus, reinvent myself and find a way to get ahead this year. I need to make changes; I need to increase my income and find a way to make the changes I want happen. I don't know how, but I need to find a way to move forward.
If I could find the things I need without the cash, I'd do so, but somehow in a world run on paper currency, I am stuck having to amass as much as I'm able to get things moving.
For those that has passed that mid-life marker, I salute your strength and dedication to press on to find a way to reach your goals and dreams. So many have found the path to reinvent themselves in the later half that proves, there's no decline in life after 50, if you choose to rededicate yourself to the journey.
I've some years left to try and recapture that passion and lust for the time ahead, to enjoy the experience and not dwell on the eventual end that lays on the horizon. There's a million memories, thousands of tears and tons of laughter still ahead. I just need to focus on the gift of the day and find the joy to look forward to the surprises of tomorrow.
Warm, Bright Blessings to all...
No comments:
Post a Comment