Moving forward can be difficult sometimes.

There's some road blocks keeping me from moving forward and it's getting harder to deal with them. One of the road blocks is my servicing company, Litton Loan. Not only have they raised my mortgage payment, they are doing all they can to deny me a modification on that mortgage.
Despite HUD councilors and other financial aid workers stating that I definitely qualify for a modification.
The trouble is it could get even worse if I don't get this mortgage reduced and the 10.84% dropped soon. I will be losing some of my income in just a few more months, if I'm lucky, it may not happen for a few more years. But I am going to lose $355 in income soon, with only my SSI of $674/month left to live on.

The mortgage payments for now are about $570/month which leaves very little to pay for the utilities. It's also got to cover the basics - tp, foil, wrap or bags, all soaps, sponges, health care items, etc. Which I can't always cover right now.
Later it's going to be impossible unless I have that income replaced or I find a way to reduce or both. Currently, Litton says I'm 2 months behind on the payments - I say 1 payment, but it doesn't matter, they are always right. Even when they are wrong - they make you pay for it anyhow.

So that would be a total of $1,140 plus fees that I will have to pay. I'm trying to find some freelance work I can do via the computer online. I've done many things over they years, I've many skills and knowledge to tap into if I could just figure out how to use it online to make some money.
There are so many scams and so called "ez money" programs. There are guru's making fortunes online and offering tons of systems for others to learn. It would just be nice to have someone tell me one simple way to make money online and it actually work. Without waiting months, without studying ebooks and videos, without having to set up some complicated system that might make $10 in a few months. I want something that I can do a couple hours a day, that will bring in money regularly.

I don't want to be another scammer selling junk to newbies either. I want to feel good about what I offer and what I'm doing.

Another way that I could get out of this pickle I'm in with Litton Loan, is if someone buys the mortgage. That way I pay them and not Litton anymore. Hopefully I would get someone that will be fair and allow me the much needed funds to fix up the place. Right now, I can't afford to even fix the leaky sink faucet.
The amount owed would be more than what is listed on my paperwork, but the principle that's listed is $39,899.87 - the appraised value is in the $40's - though in 2008 it was appraised at $60k - at least its not "underwater" as so many other home loans are today.

I would love to get some property up north, VA, TN, WV, in the area of the Blue Ridge Mts. Something I have always dreamed of doing is getting a piece of land, have a place on it and live off the grid eventually.
I wouldn't mind having a DW put on and then set up a garden, creating a pond to stock and setting up ways to collect green energy. Wind, water, sun and thermal...hydroponics, water catch basin and more.  I've missed living off the land and yet I know I'll still have to be somewhat close to some kind of store and bank.
Five acres would allow horses, which I'd need for a wagon or buggy. Mules would do too, but they tend to have some attitude issues. Chickens, goats, rabbits and a cow would be nice - if the bills are low enough then I could afford to hire a person to help out. I've a lot of knowledge on how to grow crops, comb wool and make money from the products and by-products produced.

Right now, the stress involved with living here and trying to scrap by just to survive is making me ill. It's also complicating other health issues. I know that somehow, I have to reduce the stress and make changes in my life that won't be easy. The problem is that I know I can't make them alone. I am going to need help to do the things that need to be done.

I'm thankful for all the help I've received already from very dear friends and from those online that are my cyberpals. Their encouragement and support are very helpful to me. This part of my journey has been very bumpy and rough. But I trust that somehow, someway that I will get past it with a little help from those who decide to step in to lend a hand. No one gets anywhere all on their own, we all need someone at some point to give us a hand up.

If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or advice - pass it on. I welcome any help of any kind, when it comes to helping my family get by, there is no reason not to ask for help when you need it.

Hope that your journey is clear of blocks or bumps, may your path be one of sunny days and warm breezes.
Take care and safe journey to you...Carp Diem!

In Rememberance of Hunter 8/2006

The first week in August was the start of the bad times that rolled over us. At 7:30AM a pickup truck had a blow out and crashed into our yard through the chain link fence. It took out a flowering tree and hit the metal post of the gate so hard it bounced back almost 3 feet!

Our pet, Hunter, was chained up in the front yard...when the sound of the crash woke us up we felt sure that our companion was dead. Imagine our relief when we went out and found him alive...frightened and barely able to move with only a few feet not caught under the truck wheel.

We brought our Hunter inside to enjoy the air conditioning and he rested and behaved himself wonderfully inside. We had to walk him on his leash since the yard was open now...the insurance company told the guy's boss that they couldn't come and fix my yard. (Despite the fact they were willing to come and do it later in the afternoon, the day of the accident. Since it was a company truck. They even went and bought the supplies to do the job...)

Hunter seemed alright, he was quiet and only made a fuss if he had to go out. He'd been taught not to play in the house due to his size. He was a large white shepherd mix - very much a ham and big baby when it came to thunder and fireworks.  Almost a week later, I finally got the side yard set up so he could be hooked up outside again. Walking on a lease just wasn't enough exercise for him anyway. So we got him settled in and I went out to give him his dinner that late afternoon. He seemed fine, he was laying down and came over when I put his dish down. His appetite had been normal and he'd given no sign of illness or of injury the whole time he was inside. He just slept most of the time and got up to go out and eat...

The next morning my daughter came to me in tears..."Hunter's dead!" she told me. I rushed outside and sure enough, there he lay on his side like he always did when he was napping. But there was a very obvious feeling that he wasn't asleep, just the way he lay there...I knew he was gone. I just couldn't understand it...how? He'd been alive and he seemed okay the afternoon before...how could he be gone now?

I called up the vet and talked with her about it. She listened and asked some questions. She knew Hunter well and said that only an autopsy would give the details. But I didn't have the money for it, nor did I really want him cut open like a turkey either. She said that her best guess was that he had been hit by the truck when it crashed into the yard. It might have been a glancing blow, but with enough force to cause some internal injuries. She also said that I shouldn't blame myself, knowing full well if Hunter had shown any sign of injury that I'd have rushed him in to see her.  A few days later the staff sent a very nice card to tell us how sorry they were at our loss.

Of course, I was told that without the autopsy the insurance company would not "pay me for the loss of the  animal". Like they could ever pay me enough to take the hurt away, they couldn't give me what my daughter and I wanted most...we wanted Hunter back!

But then everything is reduced to numbers and values when it comes to claims. It all has to add up nicely to an answerable sum. Mostly the lowest of sums is the most agreeable to keep the company in the black.

We lay him to rest and we grieved for the loss of our friend, only 4 yrs old and taken from us so suddenly. Our joy was now bitter sorrow, yet we did spend almost a week with him close to us. Even if it was only borrowed time, it was time that we spent together. I will remember him in the memories we have of him...from the fluffy butterball puppy he was...to the sweet, yet silly bear he grew up to become.

Our yard is still a mess, almost a month after the accident. I only just today got the check from them for the value of the repairs. I was told that it would be the least amount of the three estimates given...but it still doesn't take away the heartache of seeing that yard torn up...reminding us of our loss...day after day while we waited. I don't know what I'm going to do just yet with the money.  But at least tomorrow we can start to clear away the damage to the yard. In a way it will be the final closure that we've needed for a while now.

Maybe now as we enter September, we can find a more positive path to travel. We need some sunshine to come and warm us...we've been in a cloudy darkness that has taken away the joy we once felt. But I know that in time, we will find our way back from this loss. Our hearts are still tender and need to heal. Only time, family and fond remembrance will ease the pain of this tragedy.

We miss you Hunter...where ever you are...you will always be in our hearts and thoughts. Thank you for being such a good friend and companion...you're forever a part of our family.

Reposted in memory of our dear Hunter.

We still have his son, Cerberus, who is now 5yrs old, but we hope to find him a good home since our money problems are making it almost impossible to keep him. I've been trying to get up money for the vet, for food that he'll eat and all - but it's harder as time goes by. The financial issues are steep and I know that I need to make sure that we have the utilities on and a roof over our heads. I know Cerberus would understand, but so far I've found no one that would give him a good home.

I want him to be part of a family, given attention and love. So far I've not found the right people for him yet...we know that if we want what's best for him, we need to let him go. Since we can't give him what he needs...it bothers me when he gets a bit lean, he's picky and won't settle for the cheap dog food. I've given him my share of food far too often to help him stay fit...

I hope that Hunter understands my need to find Cerberus a new family...I know that he'd worry about us as he was always trying to take care of us himself. Thanks for reading my posting...