at least not yet...
I've been down the last few weeks in more ways than I want to think about. Been down with a head cold (really hate those, hard to think & you feel like one big headache), then got down in the dumps, both literally and emotionally. (recycling more old metal for cash can lead to some strange places.) The depression part didn't last too long, mostly 'cause I dislike the whole numb feeling. So I got down to work and started doing some research, writing notes and the basic steps to getting back into things. The new elect. bill is down, which is good. But the overdue still needs to be paid and I'm broke - which is bad.
There are times when you go so far down that there isn't any place left to go but up. You may even find your going up cause you've passed some cosmic middle and are no longer going down. So much for the philosophical mumblings, time to move on. See, sleep dep has this profound way of taking any point of view and skewering in sideways... Haven't been sleeping too much of late. Would really like to have an off switch. Sleeping would be so much easier if I was able to shut down.
When things get more difficult, things go down... our income, our spirits, our options. The only things that go up are things that we'd rather go down. Like bills, fees, prices - the general costs of day to day living. Currently, my own situation reflects this situation - though I'm fighting against it dragging me down. So many are struggling with financial troubles, lack of work and the swiftly cannibalized charity systems. Opportunities and options are out there...yet, for so long we've had no need to create our own future, use our wits or step outside our "comfort zones"...the skills have grown weak for lack of use.
The world is like a roller coaster, with the ups and downs that give life some sense of adventure and excitement. Too often the day to day grind wears away at our inner sense of fun and makes it hard to remember the dreams we once had when our world was young. Days when we looked forward to the future... to making changes and making our mark upon the world. In the last 2yrs things have come crashing down... the financial machinations of the corporations, the overblown hype that drove the capital of the world sat upon a foundation of sand, cybernetic-ly speaking - but still ethereal, an illusion with no true value to back it...
So it is here, amidst the wreckage of a hastily bulwark-ed economy, with patches and pitch we seek to keep things afloat. Hoping that we will make it to a harbor in time, needing extensive repairs. Our torn sails grasping at any true wind, we seek to reach port on pure determination and bracing ourselves against any new storms... On the horizon there is hope, light that cuts through the fog of doubt and cold of despair... Brighter days are ahead, if only we can work together to bring it about.
My own struggles are small, others have suffered more. Yet while we stumble about trying to hold our lives together, our own troubles seem like unmovable mountains. It's only by reaching out to others that I've found I could forget about my own troubles for a little while. In the grand scheme of things our own troubles are small, insignificant - yet they consume us and control our lives. Our only true hope is to reach out and make the connections that can ease the weight of our own problems in our efforts to aide another with their difficulties. What seems impossible to one, may seem a breeze to solve for another. By sharing the ingenuity and compassion within, we could solve so much heartache and sorrow that fills the world around us. Block by block, a community at a time, the changes can grow to overflow the boundaries that separate us from one another.
I've rambled on long enough, it's time for my mind to sleep and my body to rest. Tomorrow is yet another day to seek a better way... a change of fortune and to continue to keep the spark of hope alive. I wish you all restful sleep, inspired thoughts and warmth of heart...
